I was talking to my sister earlier today about how I’ve been having trouble falling asleep and with one word she mirrored my thoughts exactly.

Insomnia.

I don’t think I’m straight chillin’ with insomnia, but maybe some sort of toned down version of it. I’ve been taking a lot of shit from my mom about how late I wake up, and it’s not like I want to wake up in the p.m. I fucking hate it to be honest. I like waking up earlier, I feel like I just do so much more with my day and I’m so much more productive. The problem is, much like tonight, if I try to go to sleep when I think I should, when I start feeling tired, I just lay there, awake, and it sucks. I can’t get comfortable, and it’s just a big waste of time.

Most nights, in anticipation of laying there without falling asleep, I’ll just stay awake until I’m too tired to do anything, and then the problem of waking up late and dealing with other bullshit persists.  I don’t remember when this problem started, but I’d be stoked if it would just stop.

While I’m up, I might as well write a little more in depth about other stuff that’s going on.

Might as well start with AquaFox, because it’s something I don’t even like thinking about, so it’ll be good to get my feelings written down.

Several months ago, when the band started as Mike, Tony, Victor and myself jamming in my garage, I was super stoked. Victor wasn’t exactly down, and so we were briefly a three piece before introducing Adriano, and at that point I was even more stoked. This dude came out of nowhere, waking us up with smoothies and writing super awesome guitar riffs. He was a perfect compliment to the band, and the possibilities for us seemed pretty much infinite. We had some clear talent, and the drive to actually get shit done. After about a month and a half, we had six songs written for our first EP, and that’s kinda when stuff started to suck.

We had really good music written for those six songs, but we were definitely lacking in the lyric department. Only a few songs had full lyrics, and the rest either had joke lyrics, half-finished lyrics, or no lyrics at all. Me, Mike, and Tony sat down one night to just get all the lyrics down for the unfinished songs. We did so, and we were all happy and all agreed.

At this point, I didn’t have any insurance or my truck, so I was just spending several days at a time out there, and on my last night before going home, I was informed that we had changed around some lyrics. The catch was that the lyrics that were changed happened to be on the only two songs I wrote. My lyrics somehow didn’t fit the ‘mood’ of the song, and I guess what that means is that because I didn’t write about girls, but instead wrote about being straight-edge or wrote about an asshole step-father that my lyrics didn’t fit. I guess, I can kinda see that. Maybe. But it still fucking blew, and it wasn’t something I wanted to deal with.

I was already upset about the sheer amount of backstabbing in the band. Nobody ever went to someone when there was a problem. When I wrote those lyrics, Mike didn’t say a word, but apparently it was a problem that him and Adriano discussed, so without saying a word to me, they just talked about it with each other and re-wrote the lyrics.

The same thing happened when Mike, Adriano, and myself agreed that although Tony was a good drummer, Mike was better, and so instead of telling Tony, Mike and Adriano went into the studio and Mike recorded all the drum parts. Now, I’m not laying the blame on them. I was with them from the start, but it fucking killed me, and I should have spoke up against it, and I didn’t, and I suck for that.

As I write this, I haven’t talked to Adriano since the last time I was over at the AquaFox Manor, and I’ve only talked to Mike pretty briefly since then. Tony is the saddest part. Me and him were best friends, and I’ve hardly said a word to him since that whole thing. I asked him about the situation, and he said they just kinda jam sometimes, but nothing else really. I miss him so much, and I miss the band so much, this has all been really hard for me, and it’s all been weighing on me, and while I’m glad that it’s out, I still really wish I could just talk it out with those guys. Unfortunately, the last few times I tried to get a hold of Tony, I got no answer, and my last exchange with Mike was less than stellar.

I promise this blog will only get better from here.

As you may or may not know, I’ve got a new girlfriend and she’s pretty rad. Her name is Alisha, and I’ve liked for quite a while. We’ve liked each other for quite a while, actually, but I guess we were just kinda stupid about it and never dated before. We’ve got a ton in common, and we’ve dealt with a lot of the same shit before. It’s really good to have someone who can relate with me on that level, and then make out with me.

Haha, I’m an asshole. I refuse to get too sappy, though.

Also, I’m glad that my friendship with Lisa is growing. I still contest that she’s the perfect girl for me, and she disagrees. Oh well. We can still work on Films and Such together and agree on the same shows, and I can still talk to her about girls, and she can still talk to me about guys. It’s all good.

I feel like Victor and Raven have become the new Victor and Lisa. Not in that they’re together, but in that I kinda think of them simultaneously. And on that front, I don’t feel like that friendship is dwindling, just that I definitely need to be with them more! Victor said once upon a time ago that he’ll accompany me to the upcoming Say Anything show, and I hope he makes good on that because it would be super rad! We’ll see, though.

I think I just made the decision to stay up all night. It’s already 5, and everyone will be waking up in about an hour and a half, so it’s like why the hell not?

I’ll go watch some Californication.

Actually, If you’re this far in, I’m sorry that you read that all. It’s a lot of feeling and shit you probably don’t care about.

Oh! New Hyperspace? today! I think! Quite possibly gonna be long as hell.

I love you.

-Nick.